


Butchery at St. Barts

by jadztone



Series: Sherlock Nanowrimo [3]
Category: Doctor Who, Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Aliens, Crack?, Crossover, Gen, John POV, Molly POV, POV Multiple, River pov, alien serial killer, major continuity error that I left unfixed, third chapter barely makes sense but it's fun right?, vague reference to a mutilated corpse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-22 23:56:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11391063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadztone/pseuds/jadztone
Summary: Molly meets a mysterious man who wants to know more about a murder victim that arrived under unusual circumstances.  When Sherlock shows up interested in the same corpse, the stranger takes off.  A couple months later, the stranger shows up again, looking a bit different.  Hint - it's the Doctor.  He's decided to help Sherlock solve the unsolved case that was racking up more victims.  Timey wimey hijinks ensue.





	1. I fall to pieces

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of a series of stories I wrote for Nanowrimo and posted on my tumbler page, sherlock-nanowrimo.tumblr.com. I was doing a story a day, generally leaving them open-ended if I wanted to add on to the story later in the month. The ones that I did add on to will be posted on AO3 as multiple chapters. They will all be posted as complete, with no expectation that I will ever revisit them. I haven't changed them from the way they were posted on tumblr, they have their issues, but I like to think of them as diamonds in the rough. The stories contain multiple crossovers with other fandoms, and multiple ships.

Molly pushed open the door to the lab with her shoulder, her full concentration on the clipboard in her hands.  She absent-mindedly sat down on one of the stools and continued to read.  She paused a moment and glanced up, her gaze going to the microscope at the far end of the room.  No one was there.  Disappointed, she looked back down at her clipboard and scrawled a few notes on the form.

She was startled a moment later when she heard the door noisily burst open behind her.  She quickly whirled around, hopeful.  But it wasn’t him.  It was someone she’d never seen before.  He was a young man, wearing a casual suit and blue bow tie, his straight brown hair falling rakishly over his forehead.  He was looking around wildly and seemed to be listening for something.  His eyes finally settled on Molly.  “You there. Is there a morgue around here somewhere? I was told there’s a morgue.  Of course there’s a morgue, this is a hospital. St. Bart’s Hospital.”

Molly blinked.  “Of…of course.  I work in the morgue.  I’m a pathologist.”

The man beamed at her. “Excellent, then maybe you can tell me whether there have been any….unusual bodies that have come in.” He looked around again, as if he were keeping his eye out for something.

“Um..er…well, let me see.” She flipped through the forms on her clipboard.  “There, uh, there was one that came in this morning that was kind of…”  She wrinkled her nose.

His eyes sharpened on her with interest.  “Kind of what?”

She shrugged.  “Well, it was kind of in 15 different pieces.”

He looked at her startled for a moment, then shook his head.  “No, no, no. I don’t mean unusual by normal, human, criminal standards.  I mean unusual as in…”  His voice lowered and he moved closer to her ear.  “….unexplainable.”

She turned her head to look at him, their noses practically touching.  She wondered what he meant by human.  “Well, we haven’t been able to explain where the pieces came from.  You see, they just fell out of the sky.  They landed on the rooftop.  There were a couple of people up there on their smoke break when it happened and didn’t see anything fly by.”

The man’s eyes widened. “Now that is unusual.  Yes, yes, this might be the place.  Tell me, have you been able to determine that the, uh, pieces are human?”

Again he mentioned the word human.  “Well they aren’t parts of an animal.  There are definitely characteristics of a human.”

The man started to pace. “Have you put the pieces together, yet? You know,” He made gestures with his hand like he was rearranging something.  “Like a puzzle.”

Molly shook her head. “No, I was going to do that this afternoon.  I just got back from lunch and I popped up here to…actually I don’t know why I came up here.  I was lost in thought and I guess I just came here by habit.” She glanced over at the microscope again.

The man clapped his hands together.  “Well let’s get to it!  I want to see what we’ve got!”  He started enthusiastically towards the door.

“Um, excuse me, but you never told me who you are.  You’re not wearing a nametag and I don’t know if you even have permission to be in the morgue.”

The man swung back around and produced a wallet from his jacket which he flipped open to reveal a badge. She read it aloud.  “The Doctor.  Specializing in putting together pieces that have been torn apart.”

He snapped shut the wallet and then looked at her appearance as if noticing her for the first time.  “By the way, have I mentioned that I love your cardie?  Cardies are cool.  Wait. Are they?  No, no, maybe not.  Wait, no, yes they are.  Cardies are definitely cool.  Especially when they have cherries on them.  Cherries are so red and pretty and humans have a disgusting habit of sticking them in yogurt.” He swung around towards the door again and exited the room with a flourish.  

Molly followed behind him, noting to herself that this was the third time he said the word human in an odd context.  There was also something else that she noticed.  “Doctor um… I’m sorry, I don’t remember what your name was on the badge.”

“You can just call me Doctor.”

“Okay, um, Doctor. How did you know that the pieces were torn apart?”

He glanced over at her, not slowing down. “What do you mean?”

“Your badge, which gives your oddly specific specialty, mentions putting together pieces which were torn apart.  How do you know that they were torn and not cut?”

“Cut?  Oh, you mean like…” The Doctor made a sawing motion with his hand.

Molly nodded.  “Exactly.  A body ends up in pieces two different ways, generally speaking.   Torn or cut.   And the overwhelming method used is cutting.  It’s pretty much the only way a person can take apart a body successfully.  But you knew that this body had been torn.”

The Doctor’s expression was evasive.  “Well, if the options are cut or torn, there was a 50% chance I’d guess torn.”

“No, I just told you that the overwhelming method used is cutting.  If you are some sort of specialist, you’d know that.  Assuming the body was torn is the same as…betting on a long shot.”

The Doctor smirked.  “If you know anything about me, you know that I always bet on the long shot.”

Molly gave a tiny smile. “I can believe that about you. But I don’t think that’s what was going on here”

The Doctor came to a stop, his expression grim.  “Fine. You say that the odds were overwhelmingly against a correct guess of torn.  What if I were to say that I had prior knowledge of what could…tear a person like that.  And also concerns about it being…in the vicinity.  That would lower the odds, wouldn’t it?”

Molly stared at him for a long moment.  “You said what.”

“I said that if I had prior knowledge…”

“No!  I mean, you said ‘what could tear a person.’  Not ‘who could.’  What.  You also said it.”

The Doctor looked at her intently.  “You don’t miss a trick, do you?  You’re right. I did say what.  Just as I’m sure that was what you were thinking when you first saw those jagged tears.  What could have done this?”  He pursed his lips together, his expression making her blood run cold, because his eyes conveyed his fear of what it was.

They finally arrived at the morgue.  Molly strode briskly over to where the body was being kept.  She knew something was wrong immediately.  The bag was flat.  She unzipped it and looked inside.  “It’s empty.” She beckoned the Doctor over.  “The body is gone.”  She checked the label on the bag.  “This is supposed to be it, but it’s not here anymore.”  

The Doctor pulled a metal tubular object from his jacket and pushed a button on it.  It lit up and emitted an electronic noise as he waved it up and down the bag.  Then he flicked the object, which caused the end of it to unfurl.  He gazed at it for a moment and then lowered his arm.  “Whatever those pieces were, they weren’t human.”

Molly was beginning to be fed up.  “There’s that word again.”

“What?  You mean ‘what’?”

“No, human.  You keep saying the word human in a way that seems like…” She shook her head.

The Doctor gave her a speculative look.  “Seems like what?”

Molly folded her arms. “You say human as if you are talking about some other species.  As if you aren’t one.”

The Doctor beamed.  “Well done!  Oh, I definitely like you, er…”  He peered at her name tag.  “Molly Hooper.”  His smile faded and his forehead crinkled.  “Molly Hooper.  That name sounds familiar.  Molly Hooper. St. Barts Hospital.  Molly Hoooooper.”  He drew out the last bit, concentrating.

At that moment, the door to the morgue burst open and Sherlock Holmes strolled in, followed closely by John Watson.  “There you are, Molly!  Lestrade was just telling us all about the body torn into 15 pieces.  I found it boring until I realized that he said torn, not cut.  I’m dying to take a look.”  Sherlock stopped short when he saw the Doctor standing there.  “You!”

The Doctor’s eyes widened. “Uh oh.  Ohhh, now I remember.  Molly Hooper, associate of Sherlock Holmes.  I, uh, I better go.  Molly, it was wonderful to meet you.  I was going to invite you to see the TARDIS, but under the circumstances I think it best not.”  The Doctor made for the door, giving Sherlock a wide berth.  As he passed John, he gave a look of recognition and briefly slowed down like he wanted to introduce himself, but thought better of it and continued on.  He slammed the door shut behind him.  

John pointed towards the door.  “That’s him, isn’t it?”  Sherlock nodded.  “Well, we should go after him.”

Sherlock shook his head. “It’s a waste of time.  I don’t know how he does it, but he always manages to disappear.  Literally.” He turned to Molly and gave her an assessing look. “Let me guess, he was after the same thing that I was.  The discovery Lestrade told me about.”

Molly pursed her lips. Her emotions were scattered.  She should have been thrilled that Sherlock was here, and yet she was disappointed that his appearance caused the mysterious Doctor to run off.  It was nice, for once, to have someone compliment her.  A genuine compliment and not one said because he wanted her to do something for him.  She squared her shoulders.  “Sherlock, you need to go right now.  The body has disappeared and there is a strict protocol for reporting it.  I promise I’ll tell you all about it later, but for right now I have to do my job and you’re in the way.”  She opened the door and gestured for Sherlock and John to leave.  Stunned by her firmness, the two obeyed her command.  She snapped the door closed behind them and then allowed herself a little smile before she got to work.


	2. Loose Ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor is back, but this time with a new face. Told from River's POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a major continuity error between the first and second chapter. I wrote the 2nd chapter about 2 weeks after the first one, and it was late at night and I was trying to meet my challenge deadline of one post a day and...yeah. I didn't go back and fix it, because that is kind of the rules of nanowrimo - you just write and write and don't worry about editing and polishing.

River leaned in close to the Doctor and murmured in his ear.  “So where are we going, Doctor?  I’m DYING to know.”

He gave her an exasperated look.  “That joke was played out 18 years ago.”

“Has it been that long?”

“That’s just in Darillium time, it doesn’t count time spent traveling in the TARDIS.  Which is cheating, by the way.”  He threw her a scolding look.

“You didn’t seem to mind coming along with me as I tied up a few loose ends. Besides, this time it was your idea.”

He flipped a lever on the TARDIS console.  “Yes.  There’s a loose end I’ve been meaning to tie up.”

She laughed.  “Your loose ends tend to look more like live wires.  So are you going to tell me what it is we’re here to do?  And why you decided it was very important to bring me along?  I mean, I’m not protesting, I simply adore going on adventures with you.  But you seemed keen on the idea that I would be an advantage somehow.”

The Doctor gave her a sly look.  “Well, the thing is, I may or may not have made an important figure in history very annoyed and very determined to find me, and I thought…” He shrugged. “I thought that maybe if you do to him whatever it is you do to people, maybe he will stop being annoyed.”

“What I do to people?  You mean the hallucinogenic lipstick?”

The Doctor shook his head.  “No, no, no. That thing,” he waved his hands around at her, “that you do.  Whatever it is that makes me go ‘Yowza!’  That thing.”

River beamed at him.  “That’s the first time you’ve yowza’d me in this incarnation.  I mean, you still haven’t done it, technically.  But you’ve acknowledged that I make you yowza.”

The Doctor glanced over at her.  “You think I would spend that much time on one planet if you didn’t?”  He turned towards her and leaned against the console.  “I want to make it absolutely clear that I would never ask you to yowza someone if you didn’t want to.”

River raised one eyebrow.  “Because you know it would be a waste of time.  I do what I want.  I’m actually surprised you’d be okay with it.  Usually when I flirt with someone else you get very irritated.”

“Well, I’m desperate.  This person is really, really annoyed.”

“Frankly, Doctor, usually you don’t much care how much you annoy people.”

“True!  But this one, I care.  I care very much.  I kind of..” The Doctor shrugged.  “I kind of want him to like me.”

River gazed at him in delight.  “You have a crush!”  The Doctor gave her a warning look, which she ignored.  “Oh, Doctor!  It’s so rare that you have crushes.  This must be someone special.  Now I’m really excited.”

The Doctor looked ruffled.  “Don’t get too excited.  It’s no big deal.  He’s no big deal.  It’s just a loose end I’m tying up.”

River grinned.  “There’s the irritation.  I promise I won’t think he’s more interesting than you are.  No one could possibly top you.”  She leaned close to him and growled, “Unless it’s me.”  

The Doctor leaned away from her, clearly it was too much for him.  “Yowza,” he whispered.  River giggled.

The TARDIS made her usual landing noises, and when she was finished, River darted out the front door without even glancing at the consoles identifying where and when they were.

River looked around.  It was a busy street in a major city.  She noted the license plates on the cars.  They were in the UK, so probably London.  She happened to focus in on one of the doors.  It said 221.  No…it couldn’t be.  She sought out a street sign on the corner of a building. Baker Street.  She exhaled a puff of air in her excitement.  She whirled around towards the TARDIS and saw the Doctor was reluctantly emerging.  She ran to him and grasped his arms in her hands.  “221B Baker Street!  This is where Sherlock Holmes lives!  You’re here to see Sherlock!”  She laughed in delight.

The Doctor looked mutinous.  “I told you not to get too excited.  He’s no big deal.”

“No big deal???  Oh, my dear Doctor.”  She turned and quickly went over to the door and was about to knock when she paused. She turned around and went back to the Doctor.  “I just realized something.  You want me to yowza Sherlock Holmes.”

Looking disgruntled, the Doctor said, “Yeah.  I also said that you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.”

River tipped her head back and laughed.  After a minute or so, she finally was able to contain her mirth. She saw that the Doctor was standing with his arms folded, his Scottish scowl firmly in place.  She almost started giggling again, but contained herself. “Oh , Doctor.  I would love to yowza Sherlock Holmes.  But I wouldn’t succeed.  Jack Harkness wouldn’t even succeed.”

The Doctor gave her a bewildered look.  “I don’t understand.  I’ve researched him, and there’s this woman that he calls The Woman, Irene Adler, that makes him go yowza.  You are much, much more yowza than she is.  So why do you think you wouldn’t succeed?”

River melted at his words.  “Oh, Doctor, I am going to so reward you for that.”

“What?  Why?”

“Oh, never mind.  Look, I suppose it’s possible I could yowza Sherlock Holmes if I set my mind to it. It’s just that…well, I’ve always loved the fact that there was only one woman to defeat Sherlock.  One woman to stick in his mind forever as the only one to beat him.  I don’t want to take away from that.”  She glanced at the door to 221 Baker Street.  “Now, John Watson on the other hand.  Fair game.”

The Doctor sighed.  “Well, if you aren’t going to yowza Sherlock Holmes, how do I get him to stop being annoyed with me?”

River narrowed her eyes at him.  “Are you impeding one of his cases?”

The Doctor feigned interest in a flyer he saw stuck to a brick facade.  “I don’t know what you mean.”

“For heaven sake, Doctor!  If you want to get back into his good graces, don’t impede any of his cases.  You know how much you love time travel?  That’s how he feels about solving cases.”

The Doctor stared at her in amazement.  She could almost see the eureka moment in his eyes.   “Oh River, you gem.  You’re right.  Of course, you’re right.  I need to fix this, now.  Let’s go up to see him!”  

The Doctor bounded over to the doorstep, and struck the knocker three times. Not four times, he’d had enough of that business.

The door opened and an elderly lady emerged.  “Yes?”

The Doctor beamed at her.  “Mrs. Hu…” River interrupted him by elbowing him in the ribs to remind him he wasn’t supposed to know her name.  “I..uh…I’d like to speak to Sherlock Holmes.”

“Of course, dear.  Right up the stairs, 221B.”  Mrs. Hudson stepped back and pointed up the stairs.  

River and the Doctor went up the stairs and knocked on 221B.

The door flew open, and there stood Sherlock, who gave each of them a penetrating, assessing look.  River couldn’t help the seductive smile that came to her face.  “Yowza.”  They both frowned at her and she chuckled.  Sherlock stood back from the door to indicate that they should enter. As she passed him, she purred, “You really should be careful about your shirts, Mr. Holmes.  A button could fly right off and take someone’s eye out.”

She heard a laugh and glanced over to see that John Watson was sitting in a chair over by the kitchen.  He stood up as she approached.  She held out her hand.  “Doctor Watson, I presume?”  He nodded and took her hand in his.  “I’m Doctor River Song.  Although I usually go by Professor these days.”

John smiled.  “Charmed.” The way he was looking at her, she could tell he was very charmed.

Sherlock approached.  “Archaeology.”

River turned to him and smiled beatifically.  “Indeed.  Was it because of my tool belt?  The wear on my shoes?”

“Yes, but also the bit of crumbling clay that is stuck in your, erm, hair.”  Sherlock gingerly picked it out and examined it.  “It looks quite ancient.”

“Oh dear.  Well, that didn’t get there from digging.  It got there from escaping.”

Sherlock nodded slowly.  “I could tell that by the state of your shoes as well.”

“Is everyone done fussing over River now?”  They all turned to the Doctor, who had his arms folded and his tremendous eyebrows drawn together.  

John stepped over to him.  “My apologies, sir.  I’m Doctor Watson.  Or John, if you like.”

“I’m the Doctor.  Or the Doctor, if you like.”  John gave him a quizzical look, but then shrugged.

Sherlock put his hands behind his back.  “So now I finally know your name.  Such as it is.”

John glanced at him.  “You know the Doctor?”

“We’ve met.  You’ve met him, too, though you weren’t introduced.”

John frowned.  “I’ve never seen this man before.”

“You have, he just didn’t look the same.  Remember the case of the 15 pieces?  We went to see Molly, and he was talking to her.  That was the day that the body disappeared.”  Sherlock’s tone was accusatory.

The Doctor held up his hands.  “Well, I didn’t take it.  Did it look like I was carrying bits of a corpse with me?”

“No, but you are an extraordinary man who changes your appearance and can disappear into thin air.  For all I know you could have pockets that are bigger on the inside.”  River laughed delightedly.

John interrupted.  “Hang on. This isn’t the same man that was talking to Molly.  For one thing, he was much younger and that was only a couple months ago.  For another, even if you could argue that he’d simply aged preternaturally, it’s still obviously not the same man.”

“No, it is.”

“Is not.”

“Yep.”  

John growled in frustration.  The Doctor held up his hands.  “Okay, can we table this for now and move onto the really important stuff?”  He turned to Sherlock with a grin.  “So how did you know it was me?  I’m genuinely curious.  Do I carry myself the same way?  Did you detect the sonic screwdriver in my pocket?”

Sherlock rolled his eyes and sighed.  “It was your blue box.  I heard a strange noise, looked outside, and saw a blue Police box that had never been there before.  You and Professor Song emerged from it.  That was when I realized your methods of escape those other times.  I recalled seeing a blue box in the vicinity in each case.”

The Doctor looked disappointed.  “That’s it?  It’s a bit boring.”  

Sherlock shook his head in exasperation.  “I hope you’re here to tell us who’s been dismembering people and dropping them from the sky, because there have been two more since you were here last.  One that was in 7 pieces, another one in 5.”

“Oh that’s not good.  He’s getting sloppy.  I’m so sorry that I haven’t helped to bring him to justice.  Once you were involved, I had to keep my distance.  At least, that’s what I thought.  I’ve had some time to think about it and realized that we could work together, just this once, without disrupting your timeline too much.  It’s really important that we get this guy.  He’s quite a nasty piece of work.”

“So you know who it is?”

“Yes, of course.  It’s…” Before the Doctor could finish, all four of them were transported.  River looked around.  They were on the bridge of a space ship.  There was a man standing behind a console, grinning at them malevolently.  

The Doctor pointed towards him.  “Him.”

The man held up a very wicked looking hatchet, stained with blood.

John spoke.  “Does anyone have a weapon?”

Sherlock shook his head.  The Doctor asked, “River?”  

“No, my love.  I rushed out of the TARDIS so quickly that I forgot to stock up.”

The Doctor sighed.  “Well, I guess it’s the usual, then.”

John frowned.  “The usual?”

Sherlock exchanged glances with the Doctor and nodded.  “Run.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you figure it out? In the first chapter, the body parts were jagged. It was one of the things that made it seem remarkable to Molly and the Doctor. But then by the second chapter I had the murderer as someone who chops up his victims. Soo...not jagged, and therefore wouldn't have been remarkable for a human to have done it. Whoopsie! On with the conclusion...


	3. The Butcher

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As if things weren't already crazy, another Doctor appears. Poor confused John, told from his POV.

John was beginning to think they weren’t going to find a way out.  He still didn’t even know what they were in that they needed to get out of.  He would say space ship, if it weren’t such a crazy thing to say.  But things were already pretty crazy considering that a) there was a homicidal maniac running after them and b) he wasn’t even sure how they got to be where they are in the first place.  One second they were in 221B Baker Street, the next they were here. He was kind of hoping that it would happen in reverse and they would no longer have to keep running.

The Doctor skidded to a halt.  “Finally a door!”  He pulled a metal device of some sort out of his pocket and waved it at the door.  It opened.  He ran through it, and everyone else followed.  Then he waved the device at the door again and it closed.  After more waving, he said, “Okay, it’s locked. We have a few minutes to figure out how to get out of here.”

John asked, “How did we even get here?  Can we just reverse whatever it was?”

The Doctor looked around. “It was a teleportation device, and usually we can reverse it if we find the controls for it.  The problem is that I don’t think they are working correctly.”

“What do you mean?”

Sherlock spoke up.  “That’s why the body parts are dropping from the sky.  He teleports his victims to his ship, chops them up, then tries to teleport them somewhere else, but somehow the coordinates don’t work and they rematerialize mid-air above St. Barts.”

“Exactly!  So not only do we have to find the controls, but we have to repair it so the same thing doesn’t happen to us.”

John paced.  “So there’s no exit door?  We can’t just walk out of here?”

River piped up.  “Not unless you want to walk into outer space.”

John groaned.  He began to look around, to see if there were any dials and switches or screens that might indicate a teleportation device.  It seemed like a waste of time since he didn’t know what he was looking for, but he wanted to do something.  As he walked around, he happened to notice a recessed door that was only visible from the far side of the room.  “Doctor! Doctor, there’s another door here. It must go to an inner room?  Or maybe….something else useful?”

The Doctor strode over and saw the door.  He got a strange look on his face.  “Oh yes.  This is it. This is exactly it.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  River!  I’m going to need you to disguise yourself.  I don’t want to say why yet, but you’ll understand in a moment.”  He winked at her.  “Spoilers.”

The way she smiled at the Doctor made John want to whimper a little.  He watched as she pulled out a device similar to the one the Doctor had, pushed a button and pointed it at herself. Instantly she had turned green, her hair was black and straight, and she had stripes on her face similar to a zebra. The Doctor nodded his approval, then used his device to unlock the door.  When it opened, two people stumbled out.  The man had dark brown hair that was short and spikey, and wore a brown pin-striped suit.  The woman had long red hair and… wait a minute… “Donna?”

The woman looked at him and frowned.  “Sorry, have we met?”

“Well, yes, I’ve seen you with Molly Hooper at St. Bart’s.  We were introduced, but just the one time.”

She brightened.  “Oh, I know Molly.  I’m sorry though, I don’t remember meeting you.  A shame, are you a doctor as well?”  She gave him a flirty smile.

The man in the pin-striped suit spoke up.  “Yes. You’re Doctor Watson, aren’t you?”  John nodded.  He looked over at Sherlock Holmes.  “And we’ve met.  Nice to see you again, Mr. Holmes.”

Sherlock narrowed his eyes.  “Likewise, Doctor.”

John raised his eyebrows.  “You’re a doctor, too?”

Sherlock shook his head.  “No, he’s The Doctor.  He’s him.” He pointed to the Doctor, who was observing the whole thing with amusement.  

John and the pin-striped man both said at the same time, “Wait, what?”  The other man scrutinized the Doctor, while John held up his hands.  “Hold on, here.  What are you talking about, Sherlock?”

Sherlock pointed to pin-striped man.  “He is the same person as him,” he pointed towards the Doctor, “just at a different point in his time stream.  I know this because I’ve met this Doctor before.  A few years ago. I told you, he keeps changing his face.  I don’t know which one is younger and which one is older, but it’s the same person.”

John looked skyward.  “What do you mean you don’t know which one is younger?  It’s obvious!”

Sherlock gave him an incredulous look.  “I just told you that two men standing next to each other are actually the same person and that he changes his face.  There is nothing about this that is obvious.”

Donna spoke up.  “Hang on, I recognize you!  Doctor, that’s Caecilius!  The man from Pompeii.  We saved his family!”

The other Doctor nodded. “You’re right, Donna.  He does look like Caecilius.”

Sherlock raised one eyebrow.  “Personally, I think he looks like a man my father worked with when I was a teenager.”

The Doctor threw up his hands.  “I guess I just have one of those faces.  Look, can we get back to the matter at hand.  We’ve all been kidnapped by the Butcher of Rondivian III and we need to get out of here or we’ll be resting in pieces.”

John stared at him.  “Did you just say Butcher?”  

“Yes, he’s a butcher that’s been sent here to harvest fresh meat.  After he kills someone, he chops them up in pieces and then teleports them to his refrigerated shuttle that is being towed behind the ship.  Or at least he’s trying to teleport them.  So far they’ve all ended up littered across St. Bart’s roof.  He’s getting increasingly frustrated because he can’t leave until the indicator on his meat locker says full.”

Sherlock said, “Of course!  That’s what you meant about him getting sloppy, and why he’s cutting them into fewer and fewer pieces.  He’s in a hurry.  But what I don’t understand is why he was keeping these two alive.  It would be more efficient to kill his victims right away.”

“I can explain that part,” said the younger Doctor, his expression grim. “He’s planning to take us back to Rondivian III and…and…”

Donna interrupted, with a look of fury, “He thinks he’s going to use us as breeding stock, which I can tell you right now is not bloody well happening!”

River covered her mouth, trying not to laugh.  The young Doctor cleared his throat.  “It’s an idea he had to try and revitalize the meat industry. Instead of harvesting the meat on other planets, he wants to grow the food on planet.  Cheaper and the meat is more fresh that way.”

The older Doctor squeezed the bridge of his nose.  “Can we just skip to the part where we get the hell out of here?  I remember now how it happened, so let’s just go do it.”

The younger Doctor held up his hand.  “Wait, you can’t just skip parts.  Because now I will have no memory of the parts we skipped.  All I’ll remember is…”

The older Doctor interrupted.  “The part where we obtain the means of escape.  That’s the important part.  I promise you, none of the middle bits are worth remembering.”

Sherlock chimed in.  “But what if they contribute to the part you want to skip to?  A series of events that are connected like links in a chain, and if you drop one part then you never get to the next part.”

The older Doctor smiled at him.  “You’ve got a good eye for this sort of thing.  I understand your point, but as a Time Lord, it’s the sort of thing I have to keep in mind all the time, and I assure you that there will be no broken links.”

John laughed.  “Hang on, did you say Time Lord?  Time. Lord.  Are you some sort of cult leader?”  River burst out laughing.  

The younger Doctor had been regarding the older Doctor suspiciously. “Tell me something, Doctor.  Has everything so far been going according to the way you remember it?  Or is there something that you’ve already changed and that’s why you are so eager to skip to the end?”

The older Doctor looked piqued.  “You know, I really hate encountering other versions of me.  You always know me far too well.  Here’s the thing, in the original conclusion, Sherlock here never found out what happened.  You escaped, thwarted the Butcher and sent him home, then went on your merry way.  The murders were never solved.  I didn’t want Sherlock blaming me for interfering with his investigation.  So I decided to let him be involved in solving the case.  Doctor Watson and…er…um…Melody are along for the ride.  Case closed!”  He smiled and clapped his hands together, then walked over to a panel in the wall and turned it on and began pressing buttons.  

“There, the Butcher is now in a stasis field in one of the northwest corridors.   I’ve unlocked the door to the room where the TARDIS and your sonic screwdriver are being kept.  I’ve recoded the teleportation device so that it works and now I am going to teleport the four of us back to 221B Baker Street.  But first.”  He walked over to Donna, took her hand, and planted a kiss on it.  “I just wanted you to know that I chose this face because of you. Because you begged me to save him. It meant the world to me.  Take care, Donna.  Be sure to give that one a very hard time.”  Then he walked back over to the control panel and pressed one last button.

John felt a whoosh and suddenly they were back in the flat.  He watched as River used her device to change herself back, then approached the Doctor.  “Why did you want me to disguise myself?  Do I meet them later?  And was that really you?”

The Doctor smiled at her.  “I’ll tell you all about Donna, but the rest I’m afraid are spoilers.”  He turned to Sherlock.  “I’m sorry that you won’t be able to turn the Butcher over to Detective Inspector Lestrade.  Rondivian III doesn’t have an extradition treaty with Earth.  So it will have to remain unsolved as far as Scotland Yard is concerned.  But I hope that by bringing you along it’s given you some closure about the case.”

Sherlock smiled.  “Indeed it has.  Thank you. I’m quite sure I never would have figured it out on my own.”

John gave him an incredulous look and practically shouted, “You think?  I still haven’t figured out any of it!”

Sherlock chuckled.  “Sorry John, this is another one you’re not going to be able to write up for your blog.”


End file.
